I am the Friday the 13th franchise

Hello howlies! Well there seems to be a lot of controversy, in some people's eyes about my Camp Crystal Lake novels. That's right some unknowing people, fans of the series supposedly, want to say that my novels aren't cannon. They even insist on spelling it canon, that's show how lacking they are in basic skills! Most probably don't even write in pros. To make it easy on these  fools I will spell it canon just for them!

Now on to the so called controversy, as everyone knows, your's truly Eric Worse, wrote four young adult (think Twilight without the sales) novels based on the Friday the 13th film franchise. These four books were published by Berkeley Books, and officially licensed and everything. This my friends, obviously make them canon. It doesn't matter that Jason doesn't actually appear in any of these four books. Inconsequential! Did the Death Star appear in the Stars Wars expanded universe! Those books were and always will be canon!!!! So too are the Camp Crystal Lake novels.

Not only that fans, I wrote a fifth camp crystal lake novel, The Mask of Jason. True it was not published by Berkeley, or officially licensed. It's still canon! The only reason it wasn't published by Berkeley was that it sucked and they said I had no talent beyond stalking and writing teen age fan fiction.

OK, so I wrote four fan fiction, err novels, all officially sanctioned and published by Berkeley. They were Mother's Day,  Jason's Curse, The Carnival, and Road Trip. Now, as stated Jason doesn't appear in any of these. But that wasn't my decision, it was the publisher, so I had to make due. I changed my direction and made the series about Jason's haunted hockey mask. In my series anyone putting on the mask becomes cursed by Jason's evil. Never mind the mask has never had any importance beyond cosmetic reasons. Never mind it didn't even appear til Friday part three and was stolen by Freddie in part nine. Details!

Then seven years after I returned from a mysterious exile (where was I howlies? I'm not telling...yet), I self published the last Camp Crystal Lake novel, the Mask of Jason Voorhees. Now usually I get upset when my books are called fan fiction, but this is pure fan fiction. In it I make an attempt to tie my first four novels into the film series (finally!) as well as the television series. Which is interesting since the series never had any connection, other than the name to the movies.. But Micki and Ryan were both hotties and I got a stiffie writing about them. Honestly this fan fiction book is closer to canon than any of the official novels I wrote.

But oh my flipping god, who cares. It's a cannon party, err canon and all my books should be canon! I am important. I'm more important to the franchise than people like Ka,,,, Uh, I probably shouldn't say his name. I think I made him made the last time and he's bigger than me. I was even mentioned in Crystal Lake Memories after I screamed and threw a tantrum.

So here's something Eric Worse almost never does. He's gonna get humble and shoot straight with you howlies. Eric aka William did write four sanctioned novels that many fans of the franchise really enjoyed, They came at a time, those dark days, when it looked like Jason might be gone forever. They made some of the fans very happy and I deserve credit for that. It's not my fault that Berkeley tried to go the young adult route and the novels failed to reach a wide audience.

Were the books good or utter shite, that's up to the readers to decide. Financially it was a bit of a raw deal for Old Eric but I accepted that deal, on the hopes it would lead to greater things. It didn't. That's life, especially in entertainment. You either accept that and roll with it or become bitter. I chose to become bitter. I demanded respect and attention that I hadn't earned. I was loud. obnoxious and hateful.  I could have moved on, finished my other novels, other projects and I would have earned some amount of attention and respect. I could have attended a few conventions, made a few new fans and who knows? But I made a bitter bed and I lay in it, and woke to a bitter life.

I hated anyone who attained success that I thought I deserved. I did favors, not  out of the good of my heart but expecting a recompense. At some point I became delusional. I made up famous girlfriends, I misread the affections of others. I made enemies, then turned my friends into enemies. Now I'm just a punchline, a meme subject. I could have been welcome at Friday reunions, but no legitimate convention will have me.

Even now I could start being honest. I could apologize to the Soskas and others, without expecting an apology in return. I could ask for forgiveness and not care if forgiveness was given back, I could change simply because it's the right thing to do, not for them, but for me. I could start over even this late in life. Would people still laugh? Some, but some would start to respect me. Some might come to like me. I wouldn't be just a footnote. I would have a legacy, not as a bitter, angry lion, but as a human being who was a decent person, and who wrote a handful of books that made people happy.
That's a hell of a legacy.

You should accept that legacy William.

All My Imaginary Friends Are Coming Over Tonight

Dinner at William Pattison's house

Hello Howlies! It's me your old pal 79 time published author Eric Woriss, Well my new blog, Eric Worse Undercooked has been a huge hit. It's probably the best thing that has happened to me since someone made a crappy Youtube movie out of one of my shitty books. Not that I'm complaining, I didn't give them much to work with. You can't make a chocolate mousse out of dog turds Howlies, but I'd sure eat it anyway.

Yes Rebekah, my friends are really real- William Pattison before leaving for Epic Con

So anyway I decided to celebrate this last, in a long line of success by having a party and inviting all my friends over. Now I know a lot of you loyal readers and fans are saying, "Hold on King of Splatterpuk, remember what happened the last time!" Well I well remember the birthday of knives, the red birthday to all my Lord of the Rings fans out there.  This time will be different. This time I am only inviting the most loyal, the most trusting friends, the ones I made up. Yes it's an imaginary party! Bow who should I invite?

Of course I can't forget one of my best and most loyal friends Gerald Fitzgerald.  I created Gerald to help promote my book sales. As most fans of good literature know, my books are anything but good literature, They are barely literature at all. Nope Howlies, my books are badly written fan fiction aimed at a teen ago audience. So how do I combat this negative opinion that my books so richly deserve? I decide to make Gerald a college professor and have him "accidentally" discover my books.  Yes, One of Gerald's students brought one of my books to class, there's your first clue. No college student today would read my books. No college kid in the 90s would read my books! Gerald, a college professor exclaimed my books some of the best he had ever read.... Really. Steinbeck, Faulkner, King, Rice, Pattison.....as they say on Sesame Street "One of these things just doesn't belong here. Yes Howlies, old Gerald Fitzgerald is as fake as my love life.  If you don't believe me just look at his Facebook where he lists other names as "Fitz". The look up Fitz on Amazon's reviews.  It's me!! Surprise!! He even has pictures of British actor Robbie Coltraine as his profile! No you probably aren't that surprised.

William Pattison aka Eric Morse's Imaginary friend Gerald Fitzgerald

Speaking of love life, we can't forget to invite K, the love of my life. Now K is a real person. She is in fact Kathleen Wilhoite. I call her K because if she found out I was still stalking her she would get a restraining order against me. So instead of Kathleen, I will invite Zarabeth McGee, a fake account I made. You see Zarabeth was Kathleen's name in Witchboard, which I helped direct (please don't tell Kevin Tenney I said that, I cant afford to be sued!), and McGee was her last name in Murphy's Law. I created this fake profile because I was being super creepy online and she deleted me from Facebook. But I already told people we were dating! So I made up Zarabeth, and this story that she had gotten married (that part is true) but that she secretly still loved me, and her husband was jealous of me. So SHE made the Zarabeth profile so we could talk behind his back. It's all logical, what man wouldn't be jelly of this jelly avalanche? So Zarabeth is coming over!


Now we can't forget old Horror Bob aka Robert Masters. I created Horror Bob back in 2012 when Michelle Shields was still calling me a stalker. He helped defend me against those nasty Horror Socials who were already royally crossing the line.  I did a good job with Bob, I even created a fake wife for him, I created a blog and had him interview my friends. But all the interviews were done by email so no one ever met Bob, or even talked to him on the phone. And I kind of did too good of a job. I gave Bob a business, listed his school and date of graduation and birth date. All of these things can be checked out and those nasty trolls did! They royally crossed the line and found out Bob never owned a business, never went to school and there's no record of his birth or death. Damn you Elbertson, you TWEED!  They even found out his profile picture was a stock photo! The main problem is that I, Eric Morse, errr Eric Morriss, I mean  Eric Worse sometimes forget that Bob is dead and post as him on his Facebook.  So since Horror Bob is only kind of dead, and totally imaginary, he gets a party invite!

William Pattison aka Eric Morse aka Horror Bob aka Robert Masters

If Bob comes, I guess we should invite his wife Jennifer, and there grand daughter. There will be plenty of cake after all. Hopefully Bob won't have decomposed much. Worse case I'll just walk the neighborhood till I get hit with a dead raccoon or shit myself which should cover the smell.


Of course it won't be a party without my good friends Guadalupe Gonzalez. I saved Guadalupe from a vicious knife attack by her evil husband.  It's really a good thing I made all this up Howlies or I would have had my ass stomped and possibly my dick cut off! Sometimes imaginary friends are safer than real people. Guadalupe was horrible scarred in the attack, but I don't want some hideous bitch at my party, so I'll imagine her pretty, By the way Howlies, when I call women bitches, it isn't sexist, it's just how we talk in California.

Now my sister Jeanette and niece Brittany are real people. I think. Honestly Howlies, I lie so much I have a hard time keeping it straight. I think that since I do use their Facebook account to send people death threats and to stalk people, they should come to my party. Jeanette is still stalking Kathleen right now for Christs sake! Don't you dare tell her it will royally piss me off.


There are so many other fake accounts, James Cougar, John Margolis and more that even I have forgot Howlies. But they are all coming over tonight as Johnny Cash Jr sang

Do you want to drink? Do you want to party?
Well we wont be drinking because I am not a responsible adult and don't have the will power to drink responsibly. Why do you think I have to ride a bus Howlies? But we will party with a big sheet cake if I can scrape up enough money.