Sunday, June 19, 2016

Star Trek fans hate me

Greeting Howlers!

It is I, 11,000 time published fan fiction author Eric Worse. Have you ever noticed that I don't post very often, aka ever, on Star Trek forums, pages or groups? Doesn't it seem strange that I, a man who write Star Trek 2 and 3, isn't begging for attention there like I do on the horror pages? Well there is a simple reason for that fans. They won't put up with my bullshit and lies. Oh my flipping God, why wont they just believe my lies like Derek does?

It just pisses me off that fans expect me to be honest. It's like those Friday the 13th fans that wont acknowledge that I saved the franchise. My books are cannon. Yes cannon, because they are too important for just one "n".


But honestly howeleries, that's why I commemorate my bullying and ranting in horror, but claim my biggest lies about science fiction. See if I claimed I directed or wrote Dawn of the Dead, all the horror fans would call me out. So I lie on horror boards about writing Star Trek. That way the hard core Trekkers won't call me out and laugh at me. Oh the ones who know of me still laugh at me, but it's on Star Trek boards. I don't go there. They actually know I'm full of shit and I'm probably banned from most of them anyway.

So I will stay here in the horror community. Surrounded by losers like Zernie, Derek and Baron Banjo, and the people who haven't figured out I'm full of shit yet.  I'll block and delete anyone who doesn't bow before me. Hell I deleted my own sister for being a bitch to me. Jeanette got the claws! Now I'm going back to the basement to eat left over birthday cake and play with my Batman toys. Who am I kidding, I never have left over cake. Time to buy a new one!

TTFN and remember, keep believing my lies or I'll ban you!

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

I am the Friday the 13th franchise

Hello howlies! Well there seems to be a lot of controversy, in some people's eyes about my Camp Crystal Lake novels. That's right some unknowing people, fans of the series supposedly, want to say that my novels aren't cannon. They even insist on spelling it canon, that's show how lacking they are in basic skills! Most probably don't even write in pros. To make it easy on these  fools I will spell it canon just for them!

Now on to the so called controversy, as everyone knows, your's truly Eric Worse, wrote four young adult (think Twilight without the sales) novels based on the Friday the 13th film franchise. These four books were published by Berkeley Books, and officially licensed and everything. This my friends, obviously make them canon. It doesn't matter that Jason doesn't actually appear in any of these four books. Inconsequential! Did the Death Star appear in the Stars Wars expanded universe! Those books were and always will be canon!!!! So too are the Camp Crystal Lake novels.

Not only that fans, I wrote a fifth camp crystal lake novel, The Mask of Jason. True it was not published by Berkeley, or officially licensed. It's still canon! The only reason it wasn't published by Berkeley was that it sucked and they said I had no talent beyond stalking and writing teen age fan fiction.

OK, so I wrote four fan fiction, err novels, all officially sanctioned and published by Berkeley. They were Mother's Day,  Jason's Curse, The Carnival, and Road Trip. Now, as stated Jason doesn't appear in any of these. But that wasn't my decision, it was the publisher, so I had to make due. I changed my direction and made the series about Jason's haunted hockey mask. In my series anyone putting on the mask becomes cursed by Jason's evil. Never mind the mask has never had any importance beyond cosmetic reasons. Never mind it didn't even appear til Friday part three and was stolen by Freddie in part nine. Details!

Then seven years after I returned from a mysterious exile (where was I howlies? I'm not telling...yet), I self published the last Camp Crystal Lake novel, the Mask of Jason Voorhees. Now usually I get upset when my books are called fan fiction, but this is pure fan fiction. In it I make an attempt to tie my first four novels into the film series (finally!) as well as the television series. Which is interesting since the series never had any connection, other than the name to the movies.. But Micki and Ryan were both hotties and I got a stiffie writing about them. Honestly this fan fiction book is closer to canon than any of the official novels I wrote.

But oh my flipping god, who cares. It's a cannon party, err canon and all my books should be canon! I am important. I'm more important to the franchise than people like Ka,,,, Uh, I probably shouldn't say his name. I think I made him made the last time and he's bigger than me. I was even mentioned in Crystal Lake Memories after I screamed and threw a tantrum.

So here's something Eric Worse almost never does. He's gonna get humble and shoot straight with you howlies. Eric aka William did write four sanctioned novels that many fans of the franchise really enjoyed, They came at a time, those dark days, when it looked like Jason might be gone forever. They made some of the fans very happy and I deserve credit for that. It's not my fault that Berkeley tried to go the young adult route and the novels failed to reach a wide audience.

Were the books good or utter shite, that's up to the readers to decide. Financially it was a bit of a raw deal for Old Eric but I accepted that deal, on the hopes it would lead to greater things. It didn't. That's life, especially in entertainment. You either accept that and roll with it or become bitter. I chose to become bitter. I demanded respect and attention that I hadn't earned. I was loud. obnoxious and hateful.  I could have moved on, finished my other novels, other projects and I would have earned some amount of attention and respect. I could have attended a few conventions, made a few new fans and who knows? But I made a bitter bed and I lay in it, and woke to a bitter life.

I hated anyone who attained success that I thought I deserved. I did favors, not  out of the good of my heart but expecting a recompense. At some point I became delusional. I made up famous girlfriends, I misread the affections of others. I made enemies, then turned my friends into enemies. Now I'm just a punchline, a meme subject. I could have been welcome at Friday reunions, but no legitimate convention will have me.

Even now I could start being honest. I could apologize to the Soskas and others, without expecting an apology in return. I could ask for forgiveness and not care if forgiveness was given back, I could change simply because it's the right thing to do, not for them, but for me. I could start over even this late in life. Would people still laugh? Some, but some would start to respect me. Some might come to like me. I wouldn't be just a footnote. I would have a legacy, not as a bitter, angry lion, but as a human being who was a decent person, and who wrote a handful of books that made people happy.
That's a hell of a legacy.

You should accept that legacy William.


Saturday, June 11, 2016

50 horror writers who are better than me

Well fans, I your cowardly lion Eric Morse, err Worse, demand to be recognized as one of the 50 greatest horror writers of all time. Why? because I am a 7 time published author of horror and science fan fiction! Even though my first four novels didn't sell and are out of print, and Berkeley wants to forget they ever existed, and now Linkville has pulled all my new novels, which technically makes me a 7-3 time published author. I think. I really get confused when dealing with numbers and words and letters and punctuation................ But still my fat, I mean huge volume of work qualifies me for this honor! Vote for me or I'll bang my head and cry, and probably shit myself!
William Pattison aka Eric Morse sucks
Billy Jack is a better horror author than William Pattison


Anyway, one of my imaginary friends challenged me to list 50 horror writers who are better than me. IMPOSSIBLE!! So impossible that I'm doing this challenge with no notes, off the top of my head with no prep. Here we go

1. Bram Stoker
2. Mary Shelley
3. Robert Louis Stevenson
4.Sheridan J Lefanu
5. Tanith Lee
6. Anne Rice
7. H.P. Lovecraft
8. Edgar Alan Poe
9. Clive Barker
10. Stephen King
11. Dean Koontz
12. Peter Straub
13. Whitley Strieber
14. August Derelith
15. Brian Keene
16. Poppy Z Brite
17. Richard Matheston
18. Robert Bloch
19. Richard Christian Matheston
20. Edward Lee
21. Joe Lansdale
22. Algernon Blackwood
23. Ray Bradbury
24. Shirley Jackson
25. Ambrose Bierce
26. Arthur Machen
27.Richard Laymon
28. William Peter Blatty
29. Joe Hill
30. Brian Lumley
31. H.G. Wells
32. Bentley Little
33. Jack Ketchum
34. Daphne Du Maurier
35.Thomas Harris
36. Harlan Ellison- My mentor!
37.F. Paul Wilson
38. Frazer Lee
39. James Herbert
40. Ramsey Campbell
41. Dan Simmons
42.Clark Ashton Smith
43. Robert McCammon
44. John Ajvide Lindquist
45. Scott Smith
46. John Skipp
47. Tim Lebbon
48. Bryan Smith
49. Michael Laimo
50. J.F Gonzalez
  That was actually pretty easy. Why don't you, my 400 loyal fans help me add to this list? I'm sure all of you can come up with a horror author who's better than me! Leave  your selection in the comments. To be honest, any horror author who isn't me is better than me, and I'm working on moving past me.
Damn you Elbertson this is your fault! You Tweed! It's because of you that I suck as a writer!

The Lion gets the boot, no claws in sight

Well Howlies, it isn't easy being a mentally unstable fan fiction writer. This last week, yours truly, the cowardly lion of horror fan fiction got fired from Linkville press. Yes, I know just a couple weeks back I was bragging about how I couldn't be fired. Whoopsie. My bad.



Well it happens to the best of us and now it has happened to the worse. I bare no anger toward them, as any legitimate business would fire me as soon as possible. I'm just shocked and disgusted they associated with me this long! Being an online business helped as they weren't forced to share an office with me after I shit myself. Damn you Soskas! Because of course everything is their fault. If they had just called me on my birthday my sphincter would be functioning properly

So I got fired, and it's mostly that evil Billy Jack's fault, troll! Rumor has it that he posted over 10,000 comments on their Facebook page in five minutes.  The pain of having to delete and block one angry troll with maybe 3 fake accounts was way too much trouble to justify  keeping me and my nonexistent book sales. Even though I don't blame Linkville this sets a horrible precedent. Now that the trolls see they have this power they could do it again, and again.

But that's the reason they fired me, Eric Worse, don't believe those plagiarism rumors.  Even though I admitted, over and over to stealing the idea of Robert Diablo. Even though I actually printed the fact that I stole it inside the book. Even though Robert Diablo was pulled almost immediately from Amazon, it's all coincidence, I would never steal anything!! Well I did steal the name of my blog, the idea of Artists in horror, my pen name, several minutes from Color of Night and lied about my writing credits, my dating Kathleen Wilhoite, I would never steal!!!!


Now dear fans, don't get upset that Robert Diablo is gone, you can still get a copy of Psychotic State:The Novel for only 45 dollars in paper back. It's a steal, but I don't steal! If you are really desperate for toilet paper and are allergic to Charmin it's perfect for you! It's already full of shit, but it can take even more.

I'm sure all 400 of my fans are rushing to Amazon.com right now to buy a copy, All 400 of my fans. Did you know that 400 fans demanded I call myself King of Splatterpunk? Did you know that over 20 employees of the San Mateo courthouse demanded I wash my underwear? Of course I have no clue who, or where those 400 fans are. They sure don't bother coming to my defense when the trolls attacked. As a matter of fact, those 400 fans don't bother liking any of my status', commenting, sharing my links, or buying my books. What the fuck 400 fans?!!? Somebody say something! Billy Jack floods linkville and I don't get one post of support! Am I delusional? OK that's a trick question, I'm as nutty as a red velvet fruit cake

Like I say howlies, it's been a bad week. I got fired. That damn Billy Jack is letting people know that my ex buddy The Eye knows I'm a lying stalker, Bobby Livingston is following me around San Mateo, that Damn Elbertson is flying around to conventions asking me stupid questions, Dani Carnage keeps making blogs exposing my lies, and Eric Hyde keeps correcting my stupid mistakes! All that and the local Target is out of XXX depends extra absorbent!

I really hope next week gets better. Maybe those 400 fans will suddenly appear and make themselves known. Or at least buy a book