I am the Friday the 13th franchise

Hello howlies! Well there seems to be a lot of controversy, in some people's eyes about my Camp Crystal Lake novels. That's right some unknowing people, fans of the series supposedly, want to say that my novels aren't cannon. They even insist on spelling it canon, that's show how lacking they are in basic skills! Most probably don't even write in pros. To make it easy on these  fools I will spell it canon just for them!

Now on to the so called controversy, as everyone knows, your's truly Eric Worse, wrote four young adult (think Twilight without the sales) novels based on the Friday the 13th film franchise. These four books were published by Berkeley Books, and officially licensed and everything. This my friends, obviously make them canon. It doesn't matter that Jason doesn't actually appear in any of these four books. Inconsequential! Did the Death Star appear in the Stars Wars expanded universe! Those books were and always will be canon!!!! So too are the Camp Crystal Lake novels.

Not only that fans, I wrote a fifth camp crystal lake novel, The Mask of Jason. True it was not published by Berkeley, or officially licensed. It's still canon! The only reason it wasn't published by Berkeley was that it sucked and they said I had no talent beyond stalking and writing teen age fan fiction.

OK, so I wrote four fan fiction, err novels, all officially sanctioned and published by Berkeley. They were Mother's Day,  Jason's Curse, The Carnival, and Road Trip. Now, as stated Jason doesn't appear in any of these. But that wasn't my decision, it was the publisher, so I had to make due. I changed my direction and made the series about Jason's haunted hockey mask. In my series anyone putting on the mask becomes cursed by Jason's evil. Never mind the mask has never had any importance beyond cosmetic reasons. Never mind it didn't even appear til Friday part three and was stolen by Freddie in part nine. Details!

Then seven years after I returned from a mysterious exile (where was I howlies? I'm not telling...yet), I self published the last Camp Crystal Lake novel, the Mask of Jason Voorhees. Now usually I get upset when my books are called fan fiction, but this is pure fan fiction. In it I make an attempt to tie my first four novels into the film series (finally!) as well as the television series. Which is interesting since the series never had any connection, other than the name to the movies.. But Micki and Ryan were both hotties and I got a stiffie writing about them. Honestly this fan fiction book is closer to canon than any of the official novels I wrote.

But oh my flipping god, who cares. It's a cannon party, err canon and all my books should be canon! I am important. I'm more important to the franchise than people like Ka,,,, Uh, I probably shouldn't say his name. I think I made him made the last time and he's bigger than me. I was even mentioned in Crystal Lake Memories after I screamed and threw a tantrum.

So here's something Eric Worse almost never does. He's gonna get humble and shoot straight with you howlies. Eric aka William did write four sanctioned novels that many fans of the franchise really enjoyed, They came at a time, those dark days, when it looked like Jason might be gone forever. They made some of the fans very happy and I deserve credit for that. It's not my fault that Berkeley tried to go the young adult route and the novels failed to reach a wide audience.

Were the books good or utter shite, that's up to the readers to decide. Financially it was a bit of a raw deal for Old Eric but I accepted that deal, on the hopes it would lead to greater things. It didn't. That's life, especially in entertainment. You either accept that and roll with it or become bitter. I chose to become bitter. I demanded respect and attention that I hadn't earned. I was loud. obnoxious and hateful.  I could have moved on, finished my other novels, other projects and I would have earned some amount of attention and respect. I could have attended a few conventions, made a few new fans and who knows? But I made a bitter bed and I lay in it, and woke to a bitter life.

I hated anyone who attained success that I thought I deserved. I did favors, not  out of the good of my heart but expecting a recompense. At some point I became delusional. I made up famous girlfriends, I misread the affections of others. I made enemies, then turned my friends into enemies. Now I'm just a punchline, a meme subject. I could have been welcome at Friday reunions, but no legitimate convention will have me.

Even now I could start being honest. I could apologize to the Soskas and others, without expecting an apology in return. I could ask for forgiveness and not care if forgiveness was given back, I could change simply because it's the right thing to do, not for them, but for me. I could start over even this late in life. Would people still laugh? Some, but some would start to respect me. Some might come to like me. I wouldn't be just a footnote. I would have a legacy, not as a bitter, angry lion, but as a human being who was a decent person, and who wrote a handful of books that made people happy.
That's a hell of a legacy.

You should accept that legacy William.

50 horror writers who are better than me

Well fans, I your cowardly lion Eric Morse, err Worse, demand to be recognized as one of the 50 greatest horror writers of all time. Why? because I am a 7 time published author of horror and science fan fiction! Even though my first four novels didn't sell and are out of print, and Berkeley wants to forget they ever existed, and now Linkville has pulled all my new novels, which technically makes me a 7-3 time published author. I think. I really get confused when dealing with numbers and words and letters and punctuation................ But still my fat, I mean huge volume of work qualifies me for this honor! Vote for me or I'll bang my head and cry, and probably shit myself!

Billy Jack is a better horror author than William Pattison

Anyway, one of my imaginary friends challenged me to list 50 horror writers who are better than me. IMPOSSIBLE!! So impossible that I'm doing this challenge with no notes, off the top of my head with no prep. Here we go

1. Bram Stoker
2. Mary Shelley
3. Robert Louis Stevenson
4.Sheridan J Lefanu
5. Tanith Lee
6. Anne Rice
7. H.P. Lovecraft
8. Edgar Alan Poe
9. Clive Barker
10. Stephen King
11. Dean Koontz
12. Peter Straub
13. Whitley Strieber
14. August Derelith
15. Brian Keene
16. Poppy Z Brite
17. Richard Matheston
18. Robert Bloch
19. Richard Christian Matheston
20. Edward Lee
21. Joe Lansdale
22. Algernon Blackwood
23. Ray Bradbury
24. Shirley Jackson
25. Ambrose Bierce
26. Arthur Machen
27.Richard Laymon
28. William Peter Blatty
29. Joe Hill
30. Brian Lumley
31. H.G. Wells
32. Bentley Little
33. Jack Ketchum
34. Daphne Du Maurier
35.Thomas Harris
36. Harlan Ellison- My mentor!
37.F. Paul Wilson
38. Frazer Lee
39. James Herbert
40. Ramsey Campbell
41. Dan Simmons
42.Clark Ashton Smith
43. Robert McCammon
44. John Ajvide Lindquist
45. Scott Smith
46. John Skipp
47. Tim Lebbon
48. Bryan Smith
49. Michael Laimo
50. J.F Gonzalez
  That was actually pretty easy. Why don't you, my 400 loyal fans help me add to this list? I'm sure all of you can come up with a horror author who's better than me! Leave  your selection in the comments. To be honest, any horror author who isn't me is better than me, and I'm working on moving past me.
Damn you Elbertson this is your fault! You Tweed! It's because of you that I suck as a writer!

Whore and Beers Everyone welcome to Undercooked!

Whore and beers everyone! This is your old pal William Fattison aka Eric Worse, 19 time published author, world famous sandwich and rescuer of illegal immigrants. You know undocumented so no one can prove I made them up!

The ones that got away. I can't forget them. Next time I'll use chains instead of rope

So Howlies, I call my fan Howlies so people think I have more than one, love you Amber! I got the name howlie because I cry when I dont get my way and it sounds like a lonely wolf. Which I am the Alpha Lonely Wolf, leader of the Wolf pack. Of course I'm only leading one wolf now, since the rest of the wolf pack hates me. But I still have the Highlander! Mostly because he's afraid I will eat him if he tries to get away.

But one wolf still makes a wolf pack, and I cant count much higher than one anyway. Highlander is the Horror Sex Slave and all the ladies tune in to listen to his sexy voice. Wouldn't you ladies love to see Highlander in a gladiator costume all sweaty? I know I would!!! Slap some mayo on me and call me well done!

On to a serious note, all you Morse bashers had better back off. Billy Jack especially, who royally crosses the line every day. Why cant he stop! He royally crosses the line more times then Prince Charles playing red rover! if he cross dressed it would be sexy, but he crosses the line. Utter bullshit!

These bashers just don't realize how important I am to the horror community. I have shit in the same bathroom as Craig Sheffer. Yes trolls, the Craig Sheffer has seen me squeeze one out! He was the star of a movie called Nightbreed which I have heard is very good. I don't watch scary movies, especially ones with hats. Really any thing scarier than Dark Shadows I can't handle. It makes me important though. More important than you trolls.  I have even seen a naked woman! How many of you trolls can say that?!!!

William Pattison aka Eric Morse knows nothing! Nothing about grammar, punctuation, spelling or sentence structure

I made the Soska's! Yes it's true we were BFFs until they royally disrespected me and my shitty podcast! It was my birthday and I had red velvet cake. I was wearing my Captain Kirk Pajamas, and dreaming of my days with Herve Bennett, writing Star Trek in the nude, waiting on your call! You royally crossed the line by becoming more famous than me!

I was at the first Days of the Dead! Michelle Shields even kissed me on the mouth. Of course she was drunk, and lost a bet, and she drew the mouth on my bald head, but I STILL GOT TONGUE. All you other ladies missed out. Anita Delorento I could still be stalking and fapping to you but you royally crossed the line and stopped taking my calls. Oh Howlies I'm lonely now. I tried fapping to Guadalupe Gonzales but she told me to stop! AND SHES NOT EVEN REAL! I made that botch (up) and she still disrespects me! I bet she doesn't even call me on my birthday! i'll end up fapping into my cake again and my sister will get pissed. We'll still eat the cake thought, because cake.....


Anyway I hope you like my new blog. I stole the name of my last blog from Dai Green. I royally crossed the line, but sometimes I wish I was Dai so I could fap to myself in the mirror. I would still be using that blog but that damn Elbertson laughed at it. Plus I forgot the password. I gave the password to Gerald Fitzgerald but I forgot his password too!

That's all for today Howlies, I have to start a new fake facebook account to pretend I have friends. I will stalk, um I mean love, yeah love you forever Tigger.
TTFN

I love Felecia Day, she is my BFF forever. Till she realizes I am stalking her and fapping on her book